Condemned_Souls

2006-06-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

In this world of odds and ends I continually see myself as a spectator of sorts. Forever by the sidelines, looking on as time, people and events passes by…always watching but never participating.

I amuse myself by watching people as they go about their daily lives. As their hopes and dreams are either realized, forgotten or crushed beyond repair by the choices that they make in life. The fun and enjoyment, love and hate, chaos and turmoil that they go through and the challenges that they face molds and changes them for the better or for the worst. I find enjoyment in seeing them at their most vulnerable and weakest moments, during times when they do not know what else to do or where else to turn to.

I feel like the wicked entity alive, then again they did all those things to themselves and I am but a spectator to these events in their lives.

I feel no remorse when I enjoy seeing hopes and dreams dashed and a lifetime of work is deemed useless. Cold and heartless, detached from it all, I continue to watch on. I don’t really give a damn for what may happen and to the final outcome

All the world is a stage, and I am just watching…

2006-05-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

too much time has passed and it felt as if i just woke up from a deep slumber...one day i was here with everyone...then it was as if i fell from the face of the earth, suddenly disappearing and no one has seen or heard from me in such a long time.

it was a time to get back to where it all began...to re-evaluate everything and to find my center. it was long and tidious...every so challenging, but i know i have barely scratched the surface of who i really am...
still searching, still wondering, continually pondering...perpetually lost in this maze that i have taken refuge from.

in the begining, i thought hiding in here would be my means of salvation, but i was wrong. the maze has consumed me and has painted a different picture in my mind of who i really am.
still, every now and then i feel that i have a little peace of mind and then it was lost...it's like i'm turning the dial on the radio, looking for the right frequency to get a better reception. it's not easy and it's not pleasant.
there are times when i just want to give up and just let go and let the maze enguf all of me once more...but somehow something inside just won't let me give up.

i used to feel lost all the time, now there are days when i know exactly where i want to go and where i want to be...there are good days and bad...i go in and out like a flickering light in the night...

things are thrown into perspective. sometimes hazzy and somtimes clear...wallowing in the mist in my mind...
maybe i had a little too much today and i start jabbering away again...as i roll my eyes towards the darkening sky i think aloud and try to clear my mind...

i feel the nausea again...things are not going to be good today...gotta get back in before...

this morning...

2005-09-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up and felt a sharp stab of pain in my chest…it felt like the wind just got knocked out of me and I really can’t move around in bed. Is this how it’s all gonna end? In the stillness of the night I lay awake in my bed for an hour or so and when I got up relief flooded me…but it was short lived. I began to cry…crazy as it sounds, I got really freaked out. Maybe my ticker wanted to give in today…the body was willing but the mind is not…

I don’t wanna go yet…I can’t go yet…I’ve so many things yet to do, so many places to go to, co many people still left to meet and be friends with.

Everything is blurry and shaky…I fell back on my bed and felt around for my trust bag of junk that I carry with me everywhere I go…a little pain reliever, a little pill here and there and I’m as good as new. Damned if I’m gonna let a crazy little episode scare me half to death. Still have something to live for and I am not going anywhere anytime soon.

2005-06-22T01:47:00.000-07:00

Seeds that fell to the ground
are cradled and nurtured
by the earth's bosoom
Slowly growing
in a steady pace
Then buds appeared
and flowers bloomed
Flourishing on the
abundance and richness
of the soil
Offering so much nourishment
to the plants
and allows it to grow
to it's full potential
Yet the times are changing
and the season is quick
to cool
Slowly withering and wilting
everything around
The petals and leaves
falling one by one
are being carried by the wind

Free Me...

2005-06-22T01:39:00.000-07:00

Hidden from you
though my thoughts are all about you
I wanted to tell you
but I can't find...
the right words

Can you wait for me
to find the courage
to say the things
that I'd like you to know
one day soon...

While I suffer in silence
a new morning
comes to greet you
and takes you away...
far away from me...

Take me away
from all of this pain...
Lead my heart into
your favor
and free me of these chains...

So much doubt and fear
it's paralyzing me
A want to be with you
but the morning came
too soon...

I am left in the dark
trying to feel my way
to get to where you are
to finally say the things
I've kept inside for so long...

Take me away
from all of this pain
lead my heart
into your favor
and free me of these chains

Take me away...
Free me...

Water

2005-06-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

Flowing continuously and freely
Down the path that has been carved in the earth
Following the straights, curves and turns
Going over and under and all over
Winding up and down
Sometimes down to a trickle
Might comes in the wide open spaces
Raging and gushing forth
Eager to reach the end of the line
Sometimes ever so clearly
The bottom we all can see
Yet there are those whose depths
We can only begin to imagine
With calmness on the surface
And raging furry down below
Hiding the dangers
Bidding you forth
Swallowing you whole
Brings life to all
Yet can be an instrument of destruction
Upon your flaccid tranquility
I gaze upon me
Looking at your crystal clearness
I am beside myself
Admiring your beauty
Flowing, in your path
Offering yet taking life at the same time

2005-06-16T05:01:00.000-07:00

Why do ou keep on hurting?
Why can you not look at me and see that I care for you.
To promise to give you the moon, stars and the heavens
I will not do
To promise that everyting will always be the alright
will not be part of my repertoire
I'll keep it simple and I'll keep it real
Life deals us the shitiest cards at times
However, we have to get through it
Making it more cmplicated than life reslly is
Is what we all do best
Why can'twe just keep it simple
Accept things the way they are
and try to ake the most of life
Keep it real and say what you feel
keep it real and say what's in your mind
Keep it real and say what will set you free
Life is soo simple
We alljust have to make it into one big drama club
and I'm tired of beng in the club...

Rebirth

2005-06-12T04:40:00.000-07:00

Something in my soul stirs tonight
as the moon nestles in the sky
A restlessness unlike any that I have ever felt
is moving me into submission
A cry is wrought from deep within me
Shattering the silence of the night
Urging me to rise and go out
Wanting me to act on this impulse
I have tried so had to ignore
I have tried to fight it
I try no to get caught up in it's web
That leads to lies, cover ups and deceit
But all my efforts proves futile
As the call gets louder
My resolve grows weaker
I loose my composure
And give into this primal intinct
And prowl the wilderness
Atop the hill
I succumb completely to this
Ever driving force
A victim to the lure of the night
I bow to my goddess
Riding high in the night sky
I am again reborn
And in the gleaming moonlight
Tonight, my night!
I start my reign...!

2005-06-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

Y O U R...
x. name: Condemned_Souls
x. nationality: Fil-Chi
x. school: freelance
x. piercings: earrings only
x. tattoos: two
x. height: 5'10"
x. shoe size: 10 - 10 1/2
x. hair color: black
x: length: short...very short
x. pets: a lot o dogs...

L A S T...
x. movie you rented: My Sassy Girl
x. movie you bought: Il Mare
x. song you listened to: The Lullaby Of The Wind and Tree (Loquy)
x. song you had stuck in your head: Here With Me (Plumb)
x. song you've downloaded: I Miss you (Incubus)
x. person you've called: Liz
x. person that called you : Dad
x. person you talked to online:
x. time you dyed your hair: 2 weeks ago
x. time you took pictures: 3 days ago
x. tv show you've watched: FBI Files
x. person you were thinking of: Liz (she loves these kinds of shows)

D O ...
x. you have a bf or gf: I wish...but she's not mine to keep...
x. you have a crush on someone: yeah...for the longest time ever...but she treats me like her bro
x. you wish you could live somewhere else: where ever she will go...i will follow...
x. you believe in online dating: not interested
x. others find you attractive: according to Liz... :)
x. you want more piercings: haven't been convinced yet...hehehe...
x. you want more tattoos: actually yes
x. you drink: yes
x. you steal: nope
x. you do drugs: college days
x. you write in cursive or print: print

F O R // A G A I N S T...
x. long distance relationships: against
x. using someone: sometimes...
x. suicide: against
x. killing people: it depends...don't make my Lizzy cry
x. teenage smoking: for
x. doing drugs: no comment...
x. premarital sex: i don't mind
x. driving drunk: tried it a lot o times...I'm still here aren't I...
x. gay/lesbian relationships: no comment...

C H O O S E O N E
x. black/white: black
x. bf or gf/ friends: friends
x. morning/night: night
x. pool/jacuzzi: jacuzzi
x. britney/christina: none
x. sunlight/moonlight: moonlight
x. short hair/long hair: short

F A V O R I T E...
x. food: anything Liz cooks...bwahahaha...
x. color: orange
x. number: 9
x. song: alternative-rock, metal
x. thing to do: eat...drink...sleep...debate with Liz
x. candy: chocolates
x. drink: beer, and hard drinks... :)
x. movie: A Walk In The Clouds
x. bands: Beatles
x. holidays: Liz's birthday...secret... :)

H A V E Y O U E V E R...
x. cried over a girl/guy: 'coz of Lizzy
x. caught your bf/gf cheating: no 'coz she's not mine
x. lied to someone: yes
x. been in a fist fight / arrested: fistfights...backing up Liz
x. regretted being with a girl/guy: not yet...right Liz

W H A T...
x. shampoo do you use: whatever's available
x. perfume do you use: cologne
x. are you scared of: waking up and discovering I'm ancient

W H A T.P O P S.I N.Y O U R.H E A D...
x. banana: the fruit Liz always has at home...hehehe...
x. backstreet boys: regurgitate
x. fingers: wax
x. parrot: noisy
x. coconut: salad
x. green: nature
x. red: mars
x. sleep: with you
x. money: shopping
x. knife: kill
x. giraffes: nothing

Ei there Lizzy...I know things are not right with you at the moment but cheer up you still have me with you ok! I'll never leave your side though you only see me as a friend I'm happy when you are happy...I'll be back in Manila soon don't worry we'll go out and I'll remind you why I wanted to be your friend. Thanks for sending me the info so I can share my thoughts with you when your on-line.

now what??..completuhin na natin!

2005-06-11T02:17:00.000-07:00

Y O U R...
x. name: Liz
x. nationality: fil
x. school: workn
x. piercings: earrings, tounge, navel
x. tattoos: about to get one
x. height: 5'3"
x. shoe size: 91/2 - 10
x. hair color: black
x: length: shoulder length
x. pets: jengga and four little fishies

L A S T...
x. movie you rented: Temptation of the Wolf
x. movie you bought: Constantine
x. song you listened to: The Lullaby Of The Wind and Tree (Loquy)
x. song you had stuck in your head: The Day You Said Goodnight (Hale)
x. song you've downloaded: This is How You Remind Me (Nickleback)
x. person you've called: Camille
x. person that called you : Yeth
x. person you talked to online: Steve
x. time you dyed your hair: a year ago
x. time you took pictures: photo journ class
x. tv show you've watched: American Choppers
x. person you were thinking of: Camille

D O ...
x. you have a bf or gf: negative
x. you have a crush on someone: yeah
x. you wish you could live somewhere else: yes in europe or south korea
x. you believe in online dating: not really
x. others find you attractive: i guess so.
x. you want more piercings: hell yeah...about to get a new one...takes my mind of things
x. you want more tattoos: actually yes
x. you drink: yes
x. you steal: i tried (once)
x. you do drugs: yeah...bad noh...
x. you write in cursive or print: print

F O R // A G A I N S T...
x. long distance relationships: against
x. using someone: sometimes...
x. suicide: undecided...you'll know when it happens...
x. killing people: it depends
x. teenage smoking: hell no
x. doing drugs: every thing happens for a reason...
x. premarital sex: i don't mind
x. driving drunk: if the need for speed is there
x. gay/lesbian relationships: masaya...jeje...take it from me...

C H O O S E O N E
x. black/white: black
x. bf or gf/ friends: friends
x. morning/night: night
x. pool/jacuzzi: pool
x. britney/christina: britney
x. sunlight/moonlight: moonlight
x. short hair/long hair: whatever feels right

F A V O R I T E...
x. food: I love to cook and I love to eat...jeje...
x. color: violet, plum, purple, lavender, blue, red, green, pink
x. number: 9
x. song: alternative-rock, metal, rnb, new age
x. thing to do: eat, drink, and be merry...oh i forgot...work...jeje...
x. candy: anything minty
x. drink: beer, scotch, whisky, wine, flavored liquor, hot and iced tea, etc...
x. movie: dami eh
x. bands: dami
x. holidays: basta holidays!

H A V E Y O U E V E R...
x. cried over a girl/guy: yes
x. caught your bf/gf cheating: yes
x. lied to someone: yes
x. been in a fist fight / arrested: fistfights...several times
x. regretted being with a girl/guy: unfortunately...yeah

W H A T...
x. shampoo do you use: anything I can get my hands on
x. perfume do you use: Echo, Clinique Happy, Aqua de Gio, Little Black Dress and a couple of colognes at home...jejeje...
x. are you scared of: freaking Spiders!!!

W H A T.P O P S.I N.Y O U R.H E A D...
x. banana: Yeth
x. backstreet boys: corni
x. fingers: wendy grace's "kamay ng prinsesa..."
x. parrot: colorful
x. coconut: macaroons!!!
x. green: lola's garden
x. red: blood
x. sleep: with...hehehehe
x. money: shopping
x. knife: kill
x. giraffes: pet ni Yeth...jejeje...

2005-06-11T01:21:00.000-07:00

Takot ka ba sa dilim
Kinakabahan ka ba
Sa tuwing ika'y nag-iisa
Tumatayo ba ang balahibo
Sa tuwing iihip ang malamig na hangin
Na animo'y humahaplos sa balat mo...

Kaibigan wag jang kabahan
Kami lang ito
nagpaparamdam sa iyo
Minsan kami ay iyo na ring nakita
Ngunit iyong inakala
Na gunuguni mo lang

Wag mabahala
Ika'y hindi namin sasaktan
Wag matakot
Kami'y nakikisabay lang
Wag kabahan
Ika'y binabantayan lang

Andito lang kami
Maski saang sulok
O lugar ka man pumunta
Nandyan pa rin sila
Oo may masama
Pero may mabuti rin
Hindi lahat hangad
ang makasakit...

Condemned_Soul May 29, 2005

the beast...

2005-06-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

Somewhere beyond the darkness a creature stirs to life. Shrouded in mystery and cloaked in the darkness of the woods, it struggles to escape it's casings. As it breathes the cool, damp air it adjusts it's eye sight to get a clearer picture of it's surroundings.

It's fiery eyes hooded by long and thick black lashes surveys the foliage around. With a shaky breath and unsteady linbs it rises from the earth.

it's ungraceful movement shatters the silence of the night.

Suddenly it hears something move...it picks up the scent of blood in the air...a kill...and not far from where it's at.

Like lightning it bolts in the direction where the scent of blood is coming from

Another creature lay on the forest floor...wounded from a fall...it's feast for tonight.

Dread draws on the soft whimpers of the wounded creature...unable to escape it's attacker from the shadows.

The beast toys with it's victim...a slash here, a bite there...the tender flesh giving way to the brutal assult of the famished beast. With bloody claws and fangs it delivers the final blow to end the life of the wounded and helpless creature.

As the beast gnaws through the carcass you can see a wicked and sickening smile curling it's lips. As it continues to tear flesh from bone...the fire in it's eyes glows ever more fierce as it's satisfaction and hunger is appeased it grows more excited for it's next kill...

con't.

2005-06-06T03:20:00.000-07:00

A prisoner of time and life...with nothing to really look forward to. Very much alive and breathing yet unable to do things. Imprisoned though without shackles...scared out of my mind. A shadow of my former self...nothing much to do here but wait, watch, listen and be a witness to change.

Change affects everyone in the outside world...but leaves me unscared, untouched.

How long has it been since the last time I was able to feel anything else other than pain, fright and remorse...how long has it been since I last thought of anything else either.

Counting the minutes...I have often lost track and started over again as if i am unaffected.

I long for the day I can be free...yet there is no one who will be able to help me.

I need to help myself...I need to be stronger...yet I cower at the mere thought of being free.

Somehow the numbness is masking the pain that I feel inside.

Act 1

2005-06-06T02:51:00.000-07:00

As day break approaches I grow even restless...things are still out of focus and I cannot conventrate on anything else but the pain inside of me. I am bothered by the things that go on that I have no control over.

Another day, another morning, adding more to my pain.

Everyday is like a chapter being added on to a horror story that never seems to want to end.

Rest and sleep eludes me at night and I have nothing better to do than stare blindly into the dark

My mind is reeling from the pain...my soul is starved for companionship...it's soo dark where I am right now. Even the sun cannot penetrate the deep pit of desolation that you have put me in.

Though the sun shines outside I cannot feel any warmth in this cold, damp, dark hole that I have been thrust into. No other life form dares come near here. How muchlonger must I stay here...???

Walled in, enclosed, trapped, cursed, punished...how much more can I take? I want to die...but I have been stripped of this priviledge.

I am to stay alive...amidst the passing of time, the changing of the world, the evolution of life...able to watch from my hole but unable to take part...cursed to live for all eternity.

Alive but empty, alone, hollow, a shell of the person that I used to be...able to feel yet denied the freedom of expression...can touch yet left with nothing to feel...with passion that can never be unleased...left with words but no one to converse with...seeing everything yet unable to relate...

How many more days must I endure...can I endure...

Opening...

2005-06-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

On cold nights such as these it makes me feel even more alone in the world and unsure of tomorrow…whatever waits for me at daybreak must be worth all the pain and agony of these long and cold sleepless nights that I must endure…I wish you would come back.
Somebody help me…free me from the curse that has been bestowed upon my soul…condemned for all eternity to be alone…no one to love, no one to be with…